Twilight and the Cookie Jar
by Razgriz89
Summary: Equestria has a rumor about Princess Celestia's favorite baked goods, hidden in her personal cookie jar. When Twilight is tasked with guarding the jar, will she be the first one to get a taste of the rumor? Or will that be the way the cookie crumbles?
1. Ahoy Cookies

_It was a popular rumor across Equestria: Princess Celestia enjoys only the finest chocolate chip cookies made by an unknown baker whenever she feels famished. She keeps these cookies at the second most secured place in the kingdom: a glittery cookie jar. But when she has to leave for royal business in a faraway land, the cookie jar is entrusted to a pony she can really rely on: Twilight Sparkle. With the chance to taste Equestria's finest cookies already in front of her, will she take that chance or follow the "DO NOT OPEN" sign on it? Lightning and Sword Fan Fiction Productions proudly presents a first in the "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" series…_

"**Twilight and the Cookie Jar"**

CHAPTER I: Ahoy Cookies

It was always the talk of Canterlot whenever they would see their local bakery baking cookies of all sorts. It was a popular topic whenever they would order a box of cookies or a single piece with coffee to go with it. People from the media would do anything to confirm the rumor and get a glimpse of what they deemed as the "most treasured artifact Equestria had to offer." Stories jumped from filly to colt, making up their own versions of that treasured artifact. Travelers from distant lands would come across this rumor upon visiting the capital city, helping the rumor spread across the four corners of Equestria. They were dying to know whether or not the rumors were true. Does Princess Celestia keep a cookie jar containing the finest chocolate chip cookies in the entire kingdom?

Not a single pony has ever laid eyes on the cookie jar itself (apparently, it is questionable whether or not it exists), but curiosity kept them believing in the slightest possibility that it exists. Rumor has it that the cookie jar was the second most secured treasure in the palace, only preceded by the Elements of Harmony. No pony even dared to sneak into the castle under the cover of darkness and satisfy their restless curiosity. The princess's royal guards are as tough as they look. They don't have the slightest clue as to the whereabouts of this cookie jar. Perhaps rumors are destined to remain rumors for life.

But it wasn't until one fateful day that a certain lucky pony got the chance to confirm the rumor once and for all. The view suddenly pans from the sophistication known as Canterlot to the humble town of Ponyville. A flight of two white royal guards banked toward the town, touching down safely near Twilight Sparkle's residence. Upon touching the ground, they walked up to the door and knocked three times. They weren't going to wear a smile; they had always been downright serious—especially that they were carrying something of great importance.

As the front door opened to reveal Twilight with the usual "morning mane," one of the royal guards spoke with an authoritative tone. "Miss Twilight Sparkle, the princess requests your assistance!"

Drowsiness, messy mane, and seven in the morning wasn't exactly a good combination to give someone one hay of a surprise. Totally startled, Twilight jumped and hit the top of the doorway real hard. Then, she lands on the floor just as hard. "You don't say?" she replied with a bit of sarcasm.

"Her Majesty Princess Celestia shall embark on a long journey on royal matters," the royal guard continued. "The princess requests that you safeguard one of her belongings while she is away."

Twilight rose back up on her hooves and replied: "One of her belongings?"

The royal guard opened his bag and drew out something that required a pair of sunglasses to see. Morning sunlight flashed all the glittering glamour embedded in a white cookie jar. Twilight just had to see a flashy cookie jar first thing in the morning, where her eyes spun for a moment before shaking her head and returning to normal. "A jar?" she replied curiously. "The princess wants me to guard a jar?"

"Hush!" said the royal guard. "This is no ordinary jar. This contains Her Majesty's most treasured pastries, considered to be one of the greatest treasures of Equestria."

Her heart lightened up when she heard the word "pastries," saying: "Ooh, pastries!" She reached for the lid of the cookie jar, asking if she can have one. "Don't mind if I do—"

Suddenly, the royal guard slapped Twilight's hoof with his, the former withdrawing her hoof in slight pain. "Cease and desist, Miss Sparkle! This is no laughing matter."

"Ow," Twilight replied. "You didn't need to be that strict."

"Ensure this jar's safety until Her Majesty's return. We shall come for the jar by that time."

She had some reservations about the whole "guarding a cookie jar with her life" thing, but if it was a personal request from the princess herself, she had no right to turn it down. "Okay, I guess," she said, followed by a speech of overflowing confidence. "I shall guard this cookie jar with my life."

Unfortunately, the speech failed to gain the trust, let alone impress the royal guard. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at Twilight suspiciously.

All she had to do is to make another promise. "I promise never to open the cookie jar."

But the royal guard was still wearing his face of suspicion. What would it take Twilight to earn the trust of one of the princess's bodyguards? The answer was stranger than fiction.

She took a deep sigh and recited a special oath, complete with actions. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my—" As soon as she put her hoof on her eye, she accidentally hit it instead of completing the oath. "OW! Geez, that hurts."

"Very well, Miss Sparkle," the royal guard said, leaving the cookie jar by the doorstep. The two flapped their wings and took to the skies. "Remember, do not open at all costs!" one of them yelled before turning toward the direction of the capital city.

When the guards were finally gone, Twilight shifted her eyes to the flashy cookie jar they left under her care. She had seen many things ridden with gems, Rarity's dresses above all else, but the cookie jar had so many gems on it that she could sell it for a bathtub of bits. Rubies, sapphires, emeralds, and every known gem in Equestria were embedded in the surface of the cookie jar. Stunned, she looked at the glittering jar for a while longer before saying: "Why would the princess ask me to guard a cookie jar?"

Then, a loud cry came from out of nowhere, "Twilight!" Once again, the purple unicorn jumped and hit her head on the doorway. Only this time, it hurt much more that her eyes spun and her vision blurred for a few seconds.

Then, along came typical Pinkie Pie. "Wow. That looked like it hurt. You okay?"

Twilight shook her head quickly and stood up, saying with a sarcastic tone: "Gee, you think?"

Soon enough, cheery Pinkie explains why she happened to be passing, or to be more accurate, jumping by. "I heard you making a Pinkie Swear! A Pinkie Swear!"

"And I hurt my eye again for making it," Twilight replied. "So, what's up?"

"Silly," said Pinkie. "It's the sky, of course."

What a way to start Twilight's morning. "Ugh. And good morning to you too, Pinkie."

The cheery pony, still jumping like a spring, giggled and greeted: "You're welcome." But it doesn't take her very long to notice the bright, shiny gems on the cookie jar. Suddenly, she stopped jumping and looked at the jar, mesmerized at its overwhelming shininess. "Ooh! Shiiiny!"

"You think so?" Twilight said. "The guards told me it was the princess's cookie jar."

"A cookie jar?" Pinkie stared at the cookie jar for a bit longer before she realizes that the word 'princess' and 'cookie jar' rang the bell inside her head and made her frantic. "A cookie jar—a cookie jar—a cookie jar—a cookie jar—a cookie jar…"

"Uh, Pinkie?" Twilight called her friend's attention.

As expected of typical (and random) Pinkie, she burst in a loud cry first thing in the morning. "A COOKIE JAAAAR!" The sound of her voice echoed across Ponyville like a Sonic Rainboom, shaking every building, garden patch, and cloud within the vicinity. Ponies inside their homes opened their windows to see what was going on outside.

The move literally freaked Twilight out. "P-Pinkie? What the hay's wrong with you?"

"A cookie jar! A cookie jar! A cookie jaaaaar!" The cheery pony jumped even higher and more frequent. "It's the princess's cookie jaaaaar!" Not to mention doing an awful lot of noise.

"You know about this?"

All the more Pinkie grew crazier than usual, jumping as high as she could and dashing toward the town plaza. However, just in the nick of time, Twilight's horn glowed as her magic caught Pinkie's curly tail in a shroud of red aura. Pinkie was left dangling in mid-air, staring at Twilight upside down.

"Hold it right there," said Twilight. "What did this jar do to make you…uh, 'loco in the coco?'"

"Omigosh, Twilight, you don't know?" Pinkie replied with a sense of elation.

"Know what?"

"It's Princess Celestia's famous cookie jar!"

"I know it belongs to Princess Celestia, thank you. And what do you mean by 'famous?'"

"Silly Twilight. Don't you have a dictionary for that?" Pinkie giggled.

"PINKIE!" yelled the frustrated unicorn, dispelling her magic spell and dropping Pinkie. Much to her surprise, Pinkie flipped and landed on all fours as gentle as a pillow.

"Okay, okay," cheery Pinkie finally decided to cooperate, returning to her usual hopping speed. "Rumor has it that Princess Celestia keeps the finest cookies in all of Equestria in a cookie jar."

"And you think this cookie jar here is where the rumors point to?" replied Twilight.

"Who else would have a flashy cookie jar?"

"I can probably think of others. Like Rarity."

Then, one more pony, Rarity, arrived at the tea party for two. "Did you call me, Twilight?" she spoke (and also walked) in a dignified and formal manner, wearing a smile. Before Twilight could say anything, Rarity quickly added her description of the beautiful morning. "And oh, what a lovely morning we have today. Splendid for getting ideas for my next designs."

"Hey, Rarity," greeted Twilight. "Pinkie and I were just talking about this cookie jar."

The fashionista pony locked her eyes at the cookie jar and its sparkling gems, admiring the assortment of gems and their dazzling sparkle. "What a lovely jar you have there, Twilight. I can see more gems there than in any of my designs. I say, where did you get it?"

"It's not mine," said Twilight. "Princess Celestia asked me to hold on to her jar until she returns."

Whether mentioning Princess Celestia's name had an intimidating effect on most ponies or the cookie jar was simply to die for, the meeting of both phrases left Rarity aghast. Her eyes dilated as soon as she realized that the rumors were true.

"The rumor," Rarity said. "So it's true."

"And again, another pony who believes in the rumor," Twilight said.

"Oh dear, I never thought this day would come," Rarity added. "Princess Celestia's cookie jar…in the flesh!" A slight pause followed, and then: "Or maybe in the ceramic? Sapphire? Rubies?"

"Call me a party pooper, but…what's so special about a _flashy _cookie jar?"

"Twilight!" Rarity raised her voice, but not too loud. "Have you no idea what the princess has just entrusted you with?"

Twilight looked at the jar once again and replied: "Uh, a cookie jar you would want?"

"Heavens, no. I could never ask such a thing. But I heard that whoever takes a bite out of the cookies in that jar…" Rarity paused for a moment, shifting her eyes between Pinkie and Twilight, before finishing her sentence. "…won't want to eat anything but those cookies forever."

But Twilight only responded with an eyebrow up and sarcasm: "Really?"

"Twilight," the fashionista replied in shock and awe. "Have you never heard of the rumor about Princess Celestia's cookie jar?"

"Not that I know about it."

"Not even when word gets around Equestria?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"Goodness, Twilight. Just how old are you now?"

Pinkie answered that question as quick as ten seconds flat. "Who knows? They never really gave us ages. Just three pony sizes."

"Well, that's just charming," the fashionista answered with sarcasm.

For some reason, the cookie jar seems to have ways of attracting Twilight's friends around it. Maybe it's because of its flashy exterior where the gems refused to stop blinding one's eyes. Maybe the rumors are just too hard to let it slip by one's ears. Maybe the smell of cookies emanating from the loose lid was attracting fillies and gentlecolts. But whatever the explanation, the rest of Twilight's friends couldn't have come at a better time.

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" cried Rainbow Dash from five thousand feet and closing to the ground at breakneck speed. When the three ponies on the ground heard her cry and looked up, they saw the greatest flyer in all of Equestria coming at them like a cruise missile. There was no time to ask why she was on a nosedive—only time to get out of the way.

Twilight used her magic on the jar, moving it inside the house as she and the rest of the ponies scattered. As soon as she shut the door tight, a powerful tremor rocked her tree home. It wasn't just the library, but the rest of Ponyville felt the tremor as well. It certainly did a better job of catching every pony's attention than Pinkie's hysterical cry earlier. This morning was slowly turning out to be an oddball for Twilight and the rest of Ponyville.

When the smoke had cleared, every pony came out of hiding and gathered around the steaming hole just a few steps from the front door. They've seen their rainbow friend crash dozens of times, but not a crash that goes several feet under.

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight called. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, come on," Rarity said. "We've seen her go down millions of times already without getting a scratch. Well, except for one time."

"Well, she'll be lucky to find diamonds at that depth."

Rainbow Dash crawled out of the hole she made with her mouth stuffed in diamonds. She quickly spewed the diamonds out of her mouth, sending them toward Rarity who wore a full smile upon seeing the gems. "Ugh," Rainbow Dash spoke about her nasty fall. "Note to self: no more Sonic Rainboom first thing in the morning."

"You were doing what?" asked Twilight.

"Practicing my awesome Rainboom. It's not gonna improve by itself, you know."

Rarity intervened. "Oh please, that looked more like a Digging Rainboom."

"Ha, ha," Rainbow Dash responded with sarcasm. "Very funny." Eventually, she took notice of everyone gathering in front of Twilight's home. "So, what's everyone doing here?"

"Ooh! Ooh!" Pinkie Pie took the liberty of answering. "Twilight gets to guard Princess Celestia's tasty cookies. Oh, happy days!"

"No way!" said Rainbow Dash, looking at Twilight. "You're not pulling my tail, are you?"

"First of all, no," replied Twilight. "That's Applejack's duty. Second, you ponies are taking this rumor too seriously. It's nothing more than a cookie jar."

"Twilight!" Rarity cried. "That is no way to talk to a great treasure of Equestria."

"The thing about rumors is that they are half-truth and half-lies," said Twilight, raising her voice.

"Ooh! Ooh! A weretruth!" Pinkie said jokingly. "Or is it a werelie?"

"Ugh!" the princess's most faithful protégé couldn't take the jokes thrown at her. "My point is that you shouldn't take rumors very seriously. Who knows what you could get yourself into?"

But the rumors still persisted, starting with Rainbow Dash's own contribution. "I heard that the baker who made the cookies in the jar used to live in Ponyville."

"Really? Oh, that is simply divine," said Rarity. "Is he…or she, still here?"

"No pony knows. They said the baker simply 'disappeared' after making one batch."

"How mysterious."

A frustrated Twilight called their attention. "Girls, HELLO? You're all missing the point!"

The timely arrival of two more ponies, Applejack and Fluttershy, completed the circle of friends. They, too, happened to be passing by when they heard about the cookie jar and its secrets. "Ha, ha, no use in arguing, sugarcube," said Applejack. "Rumors here are as powerful as my pair of buckin' hooves."

"Applejack, not you too," Twilight replied in dismay.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy told her contribution to the rumors in a tender voice. "I heard that the animals in the royal garden caused a ruckus once because of the smell of those delicious cookies."

"Well I'll be," said Applejack. "They're tasty enough to drive the little fellas mad."

"Not to mention me too," said Twilight.

"There's so much to talk about one thing, we can write a dandy book about it," said Applejack.

When Applejack said every rumor ponies hear is just as powerful as her applebucking, she wasn't joking around. Except for Twilight, her friends continued to exchange thoughts about the mystery of the cookie jar. There was simply no room for rumors inside her skeptical mind. Rather, too skeptical.

"Ugh fine, have it your way," she said to her friends. "But I think this rumor's stuff's just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. I'm not buying them."

"What're you gonna do with the jar, Twi?" asked Applejack.

"If Princess Celestia asks me to guard her jar, then as her protégé I shall comply."

"Well, that's mighty dandy of you, sugarcube. I guess we'll see you around."

But before Applejack and the others could leave, Twilight called them at the last minute. "Wait!" The ponies stopped and turned their attention back to her, noticing the troubled look on her face. "Look, I'm sorry for being all worked up about these rumors."

"That's okay, Twilight," the kind Fluttershy replied. "It's not that we take them seriously."

"Sometimes, it's fun to talk about weird things," said cheery Pinkie.

"Well said, Pinkie," Rarity replied. "Fancy that, coming from you."

Twilight smile robbed the troubled look on her face, thanking her wonderful friends for returning the morning cheer. "Thanks, every pony. And, uh…I would appreciate it if you could keep this whole cookie jar thing our little secret."

"As Celestia is our witness" Rarity said. "Or Rainbow Dash's middle name is not 'Loyalty.'"

"Uh, it's not," Rainbow Dash replied.

"Holler if you need us," Applejack said.

"I'll remember, Applejack," Twilight answered happily.

Soon, the ponies dispersed and went their separate ways, while Twilight closed the door and returned to her cozy home. While she still held firm to her skepticism toward rumors and hearsays, she had a more pressing matter on her hooves. She no longer asked why Princess Celestia tasked her with doing such a thing. After all, how hard could it be to guard someone's prized possession?

"Don't worry, it's just a cookie jar," she assured herself. "How hard can it be?"

When she looked beside the door where she hid the jar earlier, she gasped upon realizing that it was no longer there. Twilight fell into a state of panic, looking left and right, high and low for the jar. "Where is it? Where is it? WHERE IS IT?" she cried.

Then, she picked up Spike's voice, finding her assistant in the middle of the library. "Mmm, cookies," said Spike, attempting to open the lid of the jar. Without hesitation, Twilight rushed toward the baby dragon, charging in like a stampede of buffalos complete with steam-on-nose effect. Her heart raced as she inched closer in stopping Spike from doing what would become her undoing. Before the lid could unveil the treasures of the jar, Twilight hit the brakes and stopped inches short of hitting Spike who looked at a rather distressed Twilight.

"Oh, hey Twilight," greeted Spike. "Check out this neat cookie—"

Her response was a powerful kick with her rear hooves, sending Spike to the ceiling. "Hands off the jar, cookie monster!" she yelled.

Mornings in Ponyville are usually far from being peculiar. But thanks to Twilight's big task from the princess, her mornings will never be the same again.


	2. Cookie Recipes

CHAPTER II: Cookie Recipes

Meet Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia's personal protégé, Ponyville librarian, and just a few minutes ago, guardian of the royal cookie jar. That's what she'll be in the following days during Princess Celestia's absence. Although she treated this task as a direct order from the princess, she still didn't take every rumor her friends said earlier. No matter where or how she looked at the cookie jar, much to the point of having a stare-off, it was nothing more but a posh cookie jar "Rarity would go nuts for it." The things the royal guards told her earlier echoed inside her head: "Remember, do not open at all costs!" the sound clip played for several times inside her head—to the point of annoyance. Twilight shook her head rapidly and gazed at the cookie jar some more. But her focus was more on the clean lid than the rest of the jar, as if she was tempted to open it against orders. After all, if this is the jar that drives all of Equestria rumor-crazy, she'll be the first one to either confirm the rumor or bust the myth.

"Uh, Twilight," Spike's voice called out to her. "A little help?"

She swiveled her head, looking for her number one assistant. For some reason, she couldn't see his small, scaly body anywhere in the room. "Up here," Spike called again, in which Twilight complied and looked up. She saw her number one assistant dangling on the ceiling with the scales on top of his head punching through solid wood. Insert "Look, Twilight! No hands!" line here. But Spike had a more appropriate reply in mind.

"Spike, what are you doing up there?" asked Twilight.

"What am _I _doing up here?" replied Spike. "Who gave me a good bucking just a while ago?"

"Oh, sorry about that," Twilight said sheepishly, giggling. Suddenly, she changed her mood as a response to what Spike had done earlier. "Wait, why am I saying sorry? Apologize, Spike!"

"Huh? For what?" Spike replied, struggling to remove his scales from the ceiling.

"You're asking me? You tried to open Princess Celestia's cookie jar."

The baby dragon's eyes dilated upon hearing the two phrases together: "Princess Celestia" and "cookie jar." For a moment, he felt inspired by awe, realizing that the popular rumor appeared in the library in the flesh…or ceramic…or sapphire, rubies. Whatever.

"Whoa," Spike said in awe. "You have the princess's cookie jar? Awesome!"

"Oh well, it's a long story," Twilight felt like telling a story about the events earlier, but she quickly realized that she was getting off topic. "Hey! Don't change the subject. Do you know what will happen if Princess Celestia's cookies vanish?"

Spike thought about it for a moment and came up with an iconic answer. "Um…let's see. Banish you in the Everfree Forest? Lock you up in a dungeon? Lock you up in the forest you were banished to?"

"Spike, can't you think much worse than those?" Twilight replied obstinately.

"Hey, you said it once. Does Magic Kindergarten count?"

"I know you can do worse, Spike."

"You're making me think while dangling on the ceiling. Who's the worse one?"

Twilight turned around and sighed. She had gotten in trouble with Princess Celestia once—and she narrowly avoided any divine punishment. That was for stirring up trouble in Ponyville. She was expecting the worst if she defied a royal order like guarding her cookie jar. Suddenly, much to Spike's horror, Twilight's head did a full 180 while wearing the scariest frown she had ever put on. "She's gonna banish me to the MOOOOOOOON!" she said with the scariest tone Spike had ever heard.

"Whoa, Twilight! Take it easy!" Spike cried. "Turn your head back. You're not Owloysius."

_Hoo? _Twilight's pet owl made a flyby around Spike who was "hanging out" on the ceiling.

"No, I didn't call your attention," Spike said. "Well, maybe I did."

Immediately, Twilight snapped out of her misery and returned to normal. But she still feared what Princess Celestia might do to her if she doesn't take her task seriously. Meanwhile, Owloysius bit Spike's tail and tried dragging him out of the ceiling with all his might. Spike came off the ceiling instantly like bucked apples and landed on the floor. "Wait here," Spike said, dashing toward the nearest shelf and coming back a second later with a red book. Peculiarly, the cover featured Twilight's sad face—and not even she was sure where that book came from.

"What's that, Spike?" Twilight asked. "I've never seen that book before."

"_1001 Ways to Punish Twilight Sparkle for Disobeying a Royal Order,_" Spike replied proudly, flipping through the pages. "I wrote it myself. Let's see…"

Irked by the annoying title of the book, Twilight gave Spike another bucking, sending the latter up to the ceiling once again. His scales made another hole in the ceiling right next to the old one. But the book stayed loyal to Spike's hands and went up with him.

"Why in the wide, wide world of Equestria would you make something like that?" cried Twilight.

"Reference guide?" Spike replied with a squee before turning the pages and spotting something good. "Aha! Number 504: Banish Twilight Sparkle to the moon. Good one."

"Spike!" she cried. "Getting off-topic here. I'm sure it's no good. That's why I'll protect this cookie jar come hay or high cider."

Instead of sympathizing with his friend's determination to fulfill Princess Celestia's personal request, Spike snorted at the rest of the ways to punish Twilight Sparkle for disobeying a royal order. "Ha, ha, number 552 is awesome. Turn Twilight Sparkle into something edible."

The distressed unicorn could only raise her eyebrow as she left Spike to dangle for the rest of the day in the ceiling. This time, Owloysius is too sleepy to help Spike get down again.

The cookie jar glowed with a bright magenta hue coming from Twilight's magical horn. With an ample amount of focus, she directed the floating jar up the shelves. Eventually, it settled gently on the topmost shelf alongside other vases that weren't as flashy. At such a height, unless some pony decides to bring in a trampoline or fly up to the top shelf, Twilight deemed her fate safe for the time being. After all, she only had to keep the jar until she returns. Perhaps it was right of her to apologize to her friends earlier for getting all worked up with the rumors. She took a deep breath, letting go of her anxieties, and smiled at the cookie jar from ground level. "There," she said with confidence. "Safe and sound."

"Twilight, you should read the rumors about that cookie jar," Spike said. "They're hilarious."

"I think the girls have already told me everything," Twilight replied.

"Nah ah. There's a book about it. Fourth shelf from right, bottom row, fourth from the left."

"You mean there's more?"

"As many as fillies and gentlecolts all over Equestria."

She hurriedly scanned the fourth shelf from the right for the book Spike was talking about. As expected, her slow pace indicated that she wasn't as much used to looking for books as her assistant. Thanks to Spike's instructions, though, she quickly found the book a few seconds later. Once again, it was a red book but with a different cover—the picture of a normal cookie jar. She read the title aloud: "_The Cosmic Cookie Jar Rumor Compendium of Bite-Sized Proportions._"

"I made that book, too," replied Spike proudly.

"Since when have you been making books like these?" Twilight raised an eyebrow, scanning the pages with her magic. "More importantly, since when have you been into writing a book?"

The baby dragon chuckled and said: "Twilight, I've been writing your letters since you hatched me from that egg back in Unicorn School."

"Unicorn School? You mean Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns?"

"I was gonna say that, but it's a mouthful."

"What are you talking about? The first thing you ever did was use your tail as a pacifier."

Spike scratched his head. "Well, I may have forgotten."

Realizing a more pressing matter at hoof, Twilight magically opened the book, scanning page by page. The pages were filled with stories from every nook and cranny of Equestria pointing to the forever controversial cookie jar. She stopped every few pages or when she spots an interesting thought about the cookie jar—most were downright crazy, but a few were decent enough to get her attention. "_The cookie jar was designed by Rarity's ancestors?_" she commented on one peculiar rumor.

"Great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents to be exact," Spike replied.

"That's just silly," Twilight continued to scan the pages magically and stopped at another silly rumor. "_The cookies were based from a recipe made by the ancient Earth ponies. _What the hay?"

"Ah, one of the most popular," Spike said. "They said only the baker knew the ancient recipe."

"I heard Rainbow Dash mention something about a baker a while ago. She said the baker just went poof without a reason."

"And the recipe was lost—"

Before Spike could finish his sentence, the sound of a knocking front door echoed across the room. Twilight walked up to the door and opened it magically, with Pinkie Pie suddenly sticking her head out the door, yelling "FOREVERRRR!" much to Twilight's surprise.

"Pinkie?" Twilight said in disbelief.

"Wow, Pinkie Pie, great timing!" Spike said. "How did you know?"

"Pinkie sense," the cheery, pink pony answered as she demonstrated it: a three-second burp where Twilight was unfortunate to be in the line of fire. "That's when someone needs to say 'FOREVERRRR.'" Quickly, Pinkie realized that she just burped. "Omigosh, I just burped. Someone needs to say that word. Well, gotta go!" She left in a puff of white smoke just like in the cartoons.

"Sheesh," Twilight said, closing the door. "Just being Pinkie Pie." She returned to the book about cookie rumors, scanning the remaining few pages before the back cover. At the last page, a particular item caught her attention but not to the point of describing it as silly. "A cookie factory?"

Spike felt shivers down his spine upon hearing that word. "Oooh," he said. "Very terrifying."

"Huh?" Twilight replied, somewhat confused.

"It's the legend of the cookie factory at the far edges of Equestria."

"A cookie factory? Why would there be a cookie factory when we have Sugarcube Corner?"

Then, from out of nowhere, Pinkie answered Twilight's question from behind, standing casually. "Please, we can't possibly compete with Princess Celestia's fine cookies."

Rather than turn around and face her cheery friend, Twilight shrieked and jumped toward the ceiling with such force that she punched a bigger hole in the ceiling. Unlike before, she wasn't about to get her head out of the ceiling anytime soon.

"Are you feeling okay, Twilight?" asked Pinkie. "This is so like your third time already."

"Yes, Pinkie, I can see that," Twilight answered, although her voice was a bit less audible. "And how in Princess Celestia's name did you get inside the house? Did your Pinkie sense tell you that, too?"

"Oh no, I just happened to hear your conversation. Besides, your back door is open."

"Huh? I don't have a back door."

At that time, Pinkie smiled sheepishly as she slowly pushed away a pile of cutting tools behind her: a chainsaw, a hammer, a drill, and a white hard hat.

"_Somewhere in the far edges of Equestria is a huge cookie factory, complete with chimneys and factory stuff,_"Spike took the liberty of telling what seems to be the most gruesome rumor of all. "_They said it was a secret jail for ponies that ate Princess Celestia's cookies. They were required to make as many cookies as they ate—times two. The ponies were released upon completing the task,_" Spike added some spooky tone effects. "_But they were never the same ponies every pony knew ever again._"

"Ooh, real scary. I'm getting the parasprites," Twilight replied with sarcasm.

"One pony even testified that he had been there. But nobody believed him."

"Cause it's a rumor."

"Twilight, do you know what this means?"

"That all the ponies in Equestria are crazy over these silly rumors?"

"No," Spike said proudly, excited about something. "It means that there are now a thousand and TWO ways to punish Twilight Sparkle for disobeying a royal order. Sweet!"

Enough was enough. She had her fair share of total weirdness for the first couple of hours. It's as if she didn't want to hear another rumor from any pony. But for some reason, the rumor about the cookie factory made her a bit uneasy. It occurred to her that Spike may be on to something—that she was in for a form of punishment like that if she ate those cookies. Nevertheless, she remained calm and asked for more information about that rumor.

"So if I eat one cookie, I only have to make two?" she asked.

"At least, that's how it goes," said Spike. "But I doubt that you can eat just one cookie."

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked again.

"There's a little more to the story," Spike continued. "No pony has ever been penalized for eating just one cookie. The cookies were so delicious that one bite could cause them to eat jars full of them."

"In short, they're addictive."

"Exactly. Even the aroma is enough to drive you mad."

"Fluttershy said the same thing earlier."

"The ponies end up producing jars of cookies. A rumor even suggests that making those cookies is not really a walk in the park. Getting it right will drive ponies crazy."

"I guess Princess Celestia only prefers the best."

Twilight fell silent all of a sudden, pondering on the details of the story. Whether she believed in rumors or not, she would be punished either way if she disobeyed a royal order. She rapidly shook her head upon realizing that she was letting the rumors get the best of her. What mattered to her the most was the completion of the task given to her, nothing else. "All this rumor stuff is making me hungry," she said. "Why don't we have breakfast outside?"

"Great idea, Twilight," said Spike. "But first things first: get me down from here."

"Well, my situation's no different," Twilight replied. "Pinkie, can you help us get down?"

But there was no answer from below.

"Pinkie?" she called again—to no avail.

"Uh, Twilight? I think Pinkie Pie…"

Twilight had already anticipated the worst. "Don't tell me…"

"Yup. She's gone."

A moment of silence between the two, before they yelled "HEEEEEEELP!"


	3. The Cookie Cutter

Chapter III: The Cookie Cutter

"My, what does the _great and powerful Trixie _see here?"

"Oh no," Twilight said upon hearing a familiar voice coming from below. She wasn't mistaken: it was the worst kind of help she could hope for.

Carrying a bag of brags, the braggart Trixie helped herself inside Twilight's library (apparently, it was a mistake to shut the door without locking) and felt amused at what she saw. A baby dragon with its scales stuck on the ceiling and Twilight with the rest of her body visible from the ground floor. She broke out in laughter after seeing the two in a hilarious and embarrassing situation. It didn't matter if she did wrong for entering without knocking; but a baby dragon and a unicorn helplessly stuck on the ceiling may only come once in a lifetime. Trixie savored every morsel of laughter, much to the point that she couldn't say her famous (and not to mention annoying) catch phrase properly.

"Ha, ha, ha," laughed Trixie, literally rolling on the floor. "The _great_…ha, ha…_and pow_…ha, ha, _powerful_…pfft…_Trixie_…f-find this a-amusing. Ha, ha, ha, ha…"

"Sheesh," Spike said. "Who invited her to this fanfic?"

Despite the rudeness of the braggart unicorn, Twilight tried reasoning with her. "Trixie, can you help us get down? Pretty please?"

Trixie stopped laughing all of a sudden, wearing a smile and staring at the two from the ground. Instead of using her magic to help them, she uttered a loud "pfft" before laughing out loud again. "Ha, ha, ha…this is marvelous. Hilarious. Stupendous."

"And full of 'ous,'" uttered Spike silently.

"Please, Trixie?" Twilight continued negotiations. "We _really _need to get down."

Trixie stopped once again, looking at the two with the same humored face. "Hmm, let's see here," she said—only to utter "pfft" and resume laughing again later. "Ha, ha, ha, the _great and_…pfft, _p-powerful Tri…_pfft, ha, ha, ha…_Trixie_…cannot stop…ha, ha, laughing."

"And I can't stop the urge to throw this book in your face," uttered Spike silently.

Realizing that negotiations were already out of the option, Twilight decided to play dirty. For the record, every pony doesn't want to play dirty with Twilight. Perhaps not because it was downright bad but she was exceptionally good at it. "Oh, what is this?" she spoke with a fake, arrogant tone. "The _great and powerful Trixie _cannot even get a fellow pony out of this mess? What a disappointment."

Trixie stopped laughing a third time—but she didn't respond with another round of laughing. She focused on the fact that she was insulted. "What? You DARE mock the _great and powerful Trixie_? Know your place, uncouth unicorn?"

(Oh, she did NOT just call me 'uncouth.') Twilight's thoughts ran amok but maintained her dialogues with Trixie. "I thought you are supposed to be the _great and powerful Trixie_. How come you cannot use your magic to help a fellow pony in need? Maybe you're not such _great and powerful _after all. Oh dear, what a shame."

It seemed to be working against the arrogant unicorn who was already wearing an irked face. "Silence!" she cried. "The _great and powerful Trixie _shall not be mocked by the likes of you."

Mocking was bit of an overstatement but it got Trixie all worked up—just the way Twilight wanted. Trixie grinded her teeth as she heard more of the insults coming from the purple unicorn that once humiliated her and lose her bragging rights.

"I could use my magic to get me out of here," Twilight continued. "But I'm afraid that would make me the _great and powerful _Twilight. What'll it be?"

Trixie had heard and grinded enamel enough. Out of rage, she charged her horn with a brilliant flash of blue light. The light grew bigger until it enveloped the entire ground floor and forced Spike to cover his eyes. Instantly, the windows and doorways of the library flashed as a loud burst echoed across Ponyville. It was followed by an even louder crash caused by the ceiling giving way along with a big chunk of the second floor. Inside, the ground floor was covered in a mountain of dust and debris. On top of the pile, Twilight and Spike saw the world spin, which in reality is just their eyes spinning in a derp-like motion. Meanwhile, satisfied with her retribution for all the insults, Trixie took her leave but not without leaving a brief message. "Hmph! Some ponies…"

Twilight's voice sounded funny as she replied. "Whoaaa…remind me not…to do that again."

She and Spike shook their heads in rapid succession. "Well, that was completely unexpected," Spike said, brushing dust off his scales.

"Unexpected is right," said Twilight with a worrying tone. "I can't work in a place like this."

"Don't expect me to get a broom. It won't bring back the floor."

Spike randomly walked up toward the shelf where the controversial cookie jar was. But when he looked up to check on the vases, horror struck him like lightning to see Princess Celestia's prized jar not where it's supposed to be.

"Spike, go to town and look for anyone who can fix this mess," said Twilight.

The baby dragon could only sputter words that didn't make sense. "C-C-Coo-coo…g-g…gone coo…jar…ja-ja…coo…where…where…"

"Spike?" Twilight repeated her instructions. "Go look for carpenters."

"Ja-ja…cook…ie…coo-coo…gone…"

"Spike, are you listening? We need to get this mess fixed."

"Cook…gone…coo-coo-ja-ja…" Apparently, it was frustrating to type this gibberish.

Finally, Twilight turned around and talked to Spike directly, unaware that he had just seen the worst possible thing. "Spike, pay attention! What are you even looking at?"

When her eyes looked at the place where she had kept Princess Celestia's cookie jar, horror also struck her like lightning. Her eyes dilated as music of a murder scene in progress played inside her head. Suddenly, her eyes died out as if turning off a TV, replaced by a pool of black and white static. Although Spike found the absurd reaction hilarious, he could only watch his friend fall in a state of blankness. Of course, it was no time for Twilight TV to be signing off yet. The cookie jar was gone and she fell into a state of frenzied panic—starting off with an earsplitting shriek.

"GAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

It looks like window replacement will have to be added to the renovation agenda, too.

"No, no, no, no, no! The jar! It's gone!" Twilight panicked immediately after shrieking. "Where is it? Where is it? WHERE IS IT?"

"Calm down, Twilight," Spike tried reasoning with her. "We'll find it. Maybe it's just buried under this pile of rubble."

Rational thinking was already out of the question the moment her eyes turned to TV static a while ago. With no regard for the more conventional ways to clear rubble, Twilight used magic on the heap of wreckage, sweating over the immense effort. Her face tensed, trying to focus on safely moving the mound of dirt to another place. She didn't care where the pile would end up as long as the end result was clear: the cookie jar she was supposed to protect in plain sight. The dirt shot out of some open windows, flying off to Celestia knows where.

Elsewhere, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were locked in some sort of argument. As expected, the latter was too shy to win it. In fact, her squeaks could hardly be called arguing at all.

"No, no, no! I refuse to wear that bunny suit," said Rainbow Dash.

"Please, Rainbow?" pleaded Fluttershy. "Think of the animals. Think of Tank."

"But why are you making me wear it?"

"Because the story is all about a rabbit who wishes to have wings."

"What?" Rainbow Dash raised her tone, largely overwhelming that of Fluttershy's. "That's like the most ridiculous fairy tale I've ever heard. A rabbit who wishes to have wings? What's next: a heap of rubble falling down from the sky?"

Fluttershy squeaked as she noticed something falling above them, quickly flying away from the impact area. Before Rainbow Dash could ask what had gotten into her fellow Pegasus pony, the heap of rubble courtesy of Twilight's ruined library fell on top of her. Fluttershy turned away and closed her eyes as Rainbow Dash's silly question was answered. When the dust had settled, Fluttershy hurried toward the rubble, calling out for Rainbow Dash—although her squeaks could hardly be called calling out at all.

"Rainbow?" Fluttershy said. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Rainbow Dash replied under a few feet of rubble. "I'll do it."

Fluttershy squeed and said "yay" loudly—although her squeaks could hardly be called loud at all.

Panning back to the library, the situation didn't get any better for Twilight. Not a single trace of the cookie jar was found underneath the rubble. Only a clean floor drenched her eyes, making her panic even more. "No, no, no! The jar's not here! Where is it?" she yelled. "I don't want to be banished to the moon! WHERE THE HAY IS IT?"

"Look at the bright side, Twilight," Spike replied—and an inappropriate topic to boot. "At least the floor's nice and clean."

Twilight's head snapped a full 180 toward the baby dragon, along with a face courtesy of Lesson Zero. "NO! I don't care if the place is clean! I need that cookie jar!"

"Whoa! Twilight, you're gonna break your neck!" Spike said.

"Break my neck, noted!" she replied quickly. "Now get a move on! Find that jar!"

"Sheesh."

The two split off and searched the entire house for the cookie jar. They started with the ground floor where they looked at every shelf, tossing or displacing books in the process. Even though Twilight was certain that she had placed the jar in only one place, her crazed state made her look to places she didn't even go to. Using her magic, she cleared every shelf off books, panting heavily and thinking of the 1002 ways she could be punished. Spike, on the other hand, searched his side of the shelves in a more decent manner without displacing the books. He moved some books aside and returned it to their proper places. After they searched the entire floor to no avail, Twilight hurried up the stairs into her room while Spike went down to the basement.

Upstairs, Twilight opened every drawer and cabinet in her bedroom quickly. Only the middle part of the floor was missing, allowing her to stay close to the side. The more her search proved fruitless, the more agitated her face grew. She even went as far as overturning her head not with magic but pure bucking power. The bed slammed against the window but the cookie jar wasn't there. Her erratic movement from one place to another messed up her mane pretty bad. She dashed out of the balcony but the cookie jar wasn't there. How could've she lost something she knew it was safe from harm?

Meanwhile, Spike tripped down the basement stairs as a result of his quick steps. He flipped several times before landing head first at the bottom. But that didn't stop him as he scrambled to find the cookie jar. He searched the dusty nooks and crannies, in between shelves and stored contraptions—but no cookie jar. He searched behind the flasks on the table but he couldn't find the mouth-watering gems that covered the jar. Although he was hungry for those gems, he knew all too well not to eat something that doesn't belong to him. Minutes of searching later, his efforts, just like Twilight's, proved futile.

The two met back at the ground floor where they shared the same load of troubles.

"Did you find it?" Twilight asked frantically.

"No," Spike replied. "You?"

"No good, I can't find it. Where could it be?"

Spike quickly noticed Twilight's horrible state. "Wow, Twilight, you're a mess."

The frantic unicorn instantly closed in on Spike's face like a camera's zoom. "Mess? Of course I'm a mess! I'm gonna go bananas if I don't find that jar."

"You're a pony, Twilight. Not a fruit."

Silliness misplaced, Twilight slapped him with a book. "Spike, this is no laughing matter."

"And look at you," Spike replied. "You're a laughing stock. Why don't you calm down?"

"I can't calm down. This is Princess Celestia we're talking about. What if she really banishes me to the moon? What if she sends me to that awful cookie factory?"

"Snap out of it, Twilight. I thought you don't buy the rumors."

"I don't. But I can always assume the _worst_."

The baby dragon finally decided to draw the line. He took the book he was slapped with earlier and used it against Twilight—not once, but twice. Even if it means ruining his personal (and not to mention only) copy of _1001 Ways to Punish Twilight Sparkle for Disobeying a Royal Order_, the insanity known as Twilight Sparkle was driving him nuts. The unicorn quickly went from panic to speechlessness in just three strikes. "All calm now?" Spike asked.

Twilight only nodded slightly.

"Good," Spike said. "Let's retrace our steps, shall we?"

"Retrace?"

Enter Sherlock Hooves.

On the basement, Twilight stood at one end of the table, clueless as to why she came down here. She was startled and blinded for a short while when the lamp was switched on, turning away from the lamp. On the other end of the table, Spike kept the lamp pointed at Twilight. His serious face, coupled with a white hat, although not really a fashion statement, was anything but pleasantries. Soon, he started talking—in what would seem to be the tensest moment in the story.

"Uh, Spike?" Twilight said. "Think you can tone down the light a bit?"

"Talk, mule," said Spike in an eerie tone.

The word "mule" irked the unicorn. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry, Twilight," Spike quickly reverted to his normal speech. "Just trying something new."

"Why did you even take me here anyway?"

"To help you remember the events before the cookie jar disappeared."

"How is 'blinding my eyes into submission' gonna help?"

Spike eventually switched off the lamp. "Yeah, you're right. Let's get started."

"Okay," Twilight started, cue flashback scenes. "I placed the jar on the top of the shelf." The flashback, in black and white, showed Twilight using her magic to place the jar on the top shelf.

"Good, carry on."

The scene quickly changes to Pinkie scaring the living daylights out of Twilight, forcing her to get stuck on the ceiling along with Spike. "Then, Pinkie Pie suddenly snuck up on me. We both got stuck on the ceiling for a while."

"Okay, so far so good, Twilight."

The third scene came up. This time, Twilight was asking Pinkie to help her and Spike get down. But she was already gone. "Then, Pinkie just left without saying—" That was when it hit her, wearing a face of suspicion. "Pinkie Pie!"

"Hold your horses!" Spike replied. "Keep going."

"But the evidence is clear. Pinkie stole the jar."

"Just keep going, Twilight. It's not as clear as you think. What happened after Pinkie Pie left?"

As instructed, she put her suspicions aside for now and continued with the story. The next scene featured Trixie laughing hard at both of them. "Then the _great and powerful _Trixie made fun of us hanging out. I mean rude much!"

"Go on. You're getting warmer."

Twilight was growing irritated. "Spike, what are you trying to say?"

The baby dragon responded by switching on the lamp again. The brightness temporarily startled and blinded Twilight a second time. "Don't stop now," he said.

"Ugh, fine, fine, just turn that off!"

Spike willingly turned off the lamp again while Twilight put herself together to continue with the narration. The next scene featured Trixie about to blow the two of them up with her insanely strong magic. "Then, Trixie suddenly let loose and a part of the second floor crashed. That's when you realized that the cookie jar was missing." That was when it hit Twilight—again, gasping in horror about what she just realized. "Trixie? Wait, who…"

"Aha! Two possible culprits," said Spike proudly. "See, Twilight? Better than panicking, right?"

She had just learned something important from Spike. _If you have room in your brain to panic, you have room in your brain to think._ She wore a smile and let out a sigh of relief upon realizing that all hope was not yet lost. She felt more confident than ever that she would find the jar. Twilight grabbed Spike by his arms and shook him like crazy. "Oh Spike," she said gleefully. "Oh thank you thank you thank you! I would've probably broken down if it weren't for you."

"Twwiiiliiight…" Spike said in reply while being shaken like a cocktail mixer. "Yooouuuu could beeee dooooiiiing ooooother thiiiings riiiight noooooow…"

Eventually, she stopped and dropped Spike. "You're right. I've a cookie jar to find. For the princess! For Equestria!" Cue bright, inspirational background.

Unmindful of his sore rear, Spike jumped on Twilight's back and said: "Then let's go. Hi ho, Twilight, awaaaaay!"

Yes, it had happened before—and just like last time, Twilight was anything but pleased. She gave Spike a stern look and said in a grudging voice: "Spike? We've talked about this."

"Bah. Fine."


	4. Girl Scout Cookies

Chapter IV: Girl Scout Cookies

For the record, Ponyville isn't as big as Canterlot or Manehattan. With only a population of a few dozen ponies and a few buildings to boot, Twilight's search for the cookie jar couldn't get any easier. Given their leads on who took the jar while they weren't looking, they had a clear idea on where to go first. The first culprit, as much as Twilight hates to admit it, is Pinkie Pie—last heard from when she and Spike were stuck together. They are currently on their way to Sugarcube Corner to at least clear some issues without any pony getting hurt. She sped across the houses and stores nicely lined up at a part of Ponyville without stopping to catch her breath. In fact, she didn't even mind the other ponies minding their own business as she went past them. Twilight didn't even notice Applejack trying to say hi.

"Howdy, Twi—" Applejack greeted with a smile but Twilight simply went past her faster than a roadrunner could say "beep beep." Twilight was running so fast that Applejack almost lost her hat, which she held onto it tight. "…light?"

At Carousel Boutique, Rarity was using her magic to carry a fully-loaded garbage can outside. It wasn't something she would do, but since she was home alone, she had no choice. The can was filled with a ten-course buffet for someone with an iron stomach: banana peels, Opal's litter, burned goods, and baked bads. "Ugh," Rarity said. "I cannot believe taking out the trash would be so…revolting." And to think she made this remark when she's not taking out the trash by manual labor.

As she slowly lowered the trash can to a spot not far from the front door, Twilight dashed in front of her without even greeting. Startled, Rarity shrieked and accidentally threw the trash can into the air. The can slowly flipped, spilling its contents toward a more startled Rarity. She quickly avoided being showered with garbage by jumping out of the way. The garbage piled up in a matter of seconds and was topped off by the can itself. Rarity felt confident about escaping a messy (and not to mention stinky) situation—in the nick of time.

She let out a sigh of relief and said with confidence: "Elegance is magic."

Needless to say, it was too late for her to see an anvil crash on top of her from out of nowhere. Above the clouds, Derpy was…well, being Derpy, dropping something again. Whether that hurt or not for Rarity, that's another story (Derpy keeps this up and she's going to be jobless real soon).

Finally, Twilight's quick dash came to an end right in front of Sugarcube Corner, panting. Spike was still reeling from the dizzying trip that instantly blurred Ponyville to the extent of a blender. Twilight was preparing to enter (or, judging by her looks, storm) the bakery when Pinkie Pie suddenly emerged from the front door as her usual cheery self. The timing couldn't be more impeccable.

"Aha!" cried Twilight, brushing her hoof against the ground. "I have you now, Pinkie."

The cheery pony gasped, quickly changing her expression to serious business. "You'll never take me alive. NEVERRRRR!" Then, she ran toward the direction of the plaza.

"Ugh! Come back here, Pinkie Pie!" Twilight followed suit, leaving Spike aghast. Soon, a wild Pinkie chase begins all across Ponyville. Play appropriate chase music here.

It may seem like a friendly game of tag, and no pony is too old or too young to play it, but it is, in reality, like one of those police chases. The difference is that there are no sounds of sirens, red and blue flashes of light, no guns, no spike belts, and no doughnuts. The two ponies constantly got nearer and farther from each other during the first minute of the chase. Pinkie Pie used all her pep to give her a considerable boost. But every time she would gain a big lead, Twilight used her magic to teleport closer to Pinkie Pie. Both methods were very tiring and it was only a matter of time before one of them gives up.

Twilight ended up in the park where Pinkie Pie suddenly disappeared in a thick crowd of ponies. Hiding could only do so much as to add flair to the shocking moment of being found. Frustrated at how she came at a bad time, Twilight searched for the cheery pony inside the dense crowd even with her mane a bit messed up from running at the speed of rainbow earlier. Before she could enter the dense crowd, she stumbled upon three little fillies she knew too well: the Cutie Mark Crusaders on Scootaloo's motorized wagon. The three fillies stared at Twilight, curious and disturbed at the same time.

"Girls," Twilight said to them. "Did Pinkie Pie pass by here?"

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo pointed to different directions in unison: Twilight's left, right, and back respectively. This disagreement stirred up a hornet's nest within the group.

"Hey," Scootaloo said. "I saw her go back to town."

"Nah ah," Apple Bloom replied. "She went toward Sweet Apple Acres."

"You're both wrong," Sweetie Belle said. "Pinkie Pie went to the Everfree Forest."

Of course, Scootaloo didn't buy Sweetie Belle's testimony. "Why in the wide world of Equestria would she go there? It's anything but a piñata party there."

"What do you mean?" said Sweetie Belle in her defense. "This is Pinkie Pie we're talking about. Not even Nightmare Moon scares her."

"Nah ah!" yelled Apple Bloom.

"Yah ah!" yelled Sweetie Belle back.

"I don't know about you two," said Scootaloo. "But I'm pretty sure she went back to town."

"That was your auntie, Scootaloo," said Apple Bloom. "She just also happened to be PINK!"

"My auntie's not pink," said Scootaloo. "She's fuchsia."

Awkward confusion followed, with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle saying "Fuchsia?"

"It's darker than pink," the orange filly replied nervously. "Twenty percent darker."

The three fillies looked at each other, their eyes squinting as if itching for a brawl. They waited for at least one of them to make the first move. The argument was not going anywhere, but also way off-topic. Quickly, the crusaders rumbled in a big puff of smoke, much to Twilight's surprise. But with no time to stop and break the three fillies up, she left them and went inside the dense crowd.

For the record, finding Pinkie Pie in a sea of ponies may as well be finding a hay strand in a needle stack. Twilight didn't remember any event happening in the park today (or the fact that the park is a popular getaway for Ponyville residents). She squeezed through the narrow gaps between other ponies while looking right and left for Pinkie. The variety of colors of different fillies and colts made the search even harder. She squinted at every large crowd of ponies, hoping to find at least a hint of Pinkie's bushy tail. "Pinkie's so gonna get it this time," she said grudgingly.

One messy mane and a crowd of ponies later, she came out of the other side of the dense crowd. From there, she immediately caught sight of Pinkie happily taking a sip out of her milkshake by the bench. It's as if she had completely forgotten that she was being chased. "Aha!" cried Twilight, charging toward Pinkie who gasped and ran to the hills.

Both ponies found themselves running farther and farther away from Ponyville, but the chase continues. Twilight simply couldn't allow this to go on. Her horn glowed brightly and, in the next second, vanished from thin air. A few seconds later, she appeared directly in front of Pinkie and not to mention her path. Pinkie crashed into Twilight without stopping, the two ponies tumbling down the dirt road. Like tumbleweed, the two ponies rolled at a slow but steady pace while trying to get one on top of the other. One attempt even featured two Pinkie Pies trying to get on top of each other. For Twilight, one Pinkie Pie is already a hoof-ful.

Finally, the dust settled and the fur ball finally dissolved—unaware that the ponies had come short of a long drop. Twilight emerged the victor of the chase, keeping Pinkie Pie pinned down. Awkward for some, but if it'll keep the Cookie Culprit Number One from escaping, it works.

"Okay, Pinkie Pie," said Twilight with a frustrated face. "You have some explaining to do."

"Okie-dokie-lokie!" replied Pinkie Pie in her usual cheery mood. "What do you want to know?"

"Where's the cookie jar?"

As Twilight looked at her cheery friend with stern eyes, Pinkie Pie returned the favor with a look of cluelessness. "Huh? What cookie jar?"

"Pinkie, I've no time for your silly games," Twilight spoke like one of the interrogators from Black Ops. "Where…is…the _cookie jar_?"

"You mean you _lost it_?" Pinkie replied.

"Where is it, Pinkie? For Celestia's and my sake, where the hay is it?"

"What makes you think I have it?"

"Because it disappeared shortly after you left us hanging on the ceiling."

"I didn't take it," Pinkie said. "I've got more than enough cookies to satisfy my hungry tummy back at Sugarcube Corner."

Twilight thought that Pinkie's answer made sense. Knowing her, Pinkie was just a cheery pony and not some mischievous filly on the loose. That only left her with one more question. "Then _why _in the wide, wide world of Equestria were you running away from me?"

Pinkie giggled and said, "Because it's fun." It was followed by a cute squee.

Although Twilight still had some reservations, she crossed out Pinkie Pie from the list. "Sorry I suspected you, Pinkie," she offered an apology. "Even if the rumors are overrated, this task is just too important for me."

"It's okay Twilight," replied Pinkie Pie. "I'll even help you find the jar."

"No, Pinkie, this is my problem. I should deal with it myself."

"No, no, no, Twilight. If you get banished for failing the princess, then it's _our _problem, too."

Twilight humbly accepted Pinkie's offer to help. "Well, okay. Thanks, Pinkie. But we need to hurry. There's still one more pony on the list."

"Who?"

The unicorn put up a determined face and said: "Trixie."

Trixie may not be one of the good ponies in Ponyville, but stealing seemed a bit out of her league. Sure she boasts a lot about her magic, yet Twilight still has some doubts about Cookie Culprit Number Two. As she and Pinkie Pie hurried back to Ponyville, they caught sight of the great and powerful unicorn brushing her mane in front of a mirror. She seemed proud about her flowing mane, not only worthy of greatness and power, but also elegance and style. Nevertheless, the only way Twilight could solve this mystery before it gets too complicated is a direct confrontation. They stopped a few feet short of the boastful unicorn, serious eyes fixed on their prey.

"Okay, Trixie, fun's over," said Twilight. "Where's the cookie jar?"

Trixie stopped brushing her hair and faced the two angry ponies with a sinister face. "My," she said. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"So you admit that you stole the cookie jar? You are in _so _much trouble!"

"Consider this as payback for insulting the great and powerful Trixie."

"You wanna play rough? Then let's play rough. Name your game."

"Fine, then," Trixie said, brushing her mane. "I challenge you to a rope contest."

"A rope contest?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.

Trixie walked up to a blue curtain and pulled its rope, sliding it open. "The pony who can tie up this pony here the best wins." The curtains opened only to show Applejack facing Twilight and Pinkie Pie, somewhat surprised when she heard something about "this pony." It's unfortunate that he had to be behind the curtain when Trixie pointed at her.

"Wait, what?" said Applejack who was just carrying some apples.

Trixie went first without giving either Twilight or Applejack a chance to talk. Using her great and powerful magic, she led the rope toward the apple bucker who looked at the rope spin around her. Applejack cried "Whoa!" as she felt her hooves being tied by the magical rope, with Trixie focusing on making the best tie. The basket spilled its load of apples as she lost her balance. In just a few seconds, Trixie was done with her work: an apple bucker all tied up and ready for dinner. But since "Roast Applejack" doesn't sound close as a delicacy, he gets spared from the grill.

The boastful unicorn flipped her mane with finesse, amazed at her own work. While Applejack struggled to break free, Trixie faced a slightly-amazed Twilight with a grin. "Your turn," she said, using her magic to release Applejack from the bind.

"Oooh," said Pinkie Pie in reaction to Trixie's feat. "She's good."

Twilight picked up the rope with her teeth instead of magic. And instead of tying up Applejack for a second time, she wore a stern face and walked up to Trixie. "Hey, what are you doing?" Trixie said but Twilight didn't answer. Soon, the boastful unicorn found herself being tied up by Twilight while struggling to break free. "Stop it, ow! Not me, argh. Stop, ow, that hurts. Stop it right now. Ow!"

After a brief episode, Twilight sighed and looked at her work: a tightly-bound Trixie ready to be boiled and roasted. "There," Twilight said. "All done." Then again, she will be spared from the roasting pit because ponies are vegetarians, at least most of the time.

"Hoo-wee!" said Applejack happily. "Now that's roundin' her up. Get it?"

"I'm not going to repeat myself, Trixie," said Twilight. "Where's the cookie jar?"

"You _dare _accuse the great and powerful Trixie as a lowly thief?" cried Trixie. "Not only did you insult me once, but TWICE!"

"Don't make this hard for both of us. Where's the cookie jar?"

"Did you really think I took it?"

"Well, you _did _openly confess to the crime. What's up with that?"

"The great and powerful Trixie has no interest in confectionaries. Unlike you lot, _I _have to stay fit and pretty _all _the time."

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "So…you didn't steal it?" she said. "What in tarnation?"

"Do I need to repeat myself?" replied Trixie. "I. Don't. Have. It."

"Then _why _did you say that you stole it?" asked Twilight.

"I never said I stole it. Did you hear me utter the word 'steal' earlier?" Trixie replied.

Applejack butted in. "You're not making sense, sugarcube."

"I asked earlier if you really stole it, and you replied as if you DID!" Twilight said, her agitation growing to critical mass.

The boastful unicorn let out a sigh and explained everything in one pass. "That was only to catch your attention. The great and powerful Trixie doesn't take insults lightly."

Twilight and Applejack looked at each other with dumbfounded faces. It occurred to them the fact that Trixie was more of a braggart than a thief. Yet, her explanation was still too blurry to the two ponies. Unconvinced by Trixie's answer, Twilight entered the magician's carriage without the owner's consent, let alone a search warrant from the court. Soon, a few of Trixie's things came flying out of the door while the ponies outside heard the sound of a frantic search, much to Trixie's outrage. "Hey! You can't barge in and ruin my home like that!"

After a brief but frantic search, Twilight came out of Trixie's home with the look of a pony that had just lost all hope. "It's not here," she said, tearing up. "It's not with Trixie."

"Ugh," Trixie replied rudely. "That's what I've been _trying _to tell you."

"Princess Celestia will not be happy."


	5. Bad Cookies

Chapter V: Bad Cookies

Twilight's frantic search for the cookie jar hits a dead end, falling to her hooves after realizing neither Pinkie Pie nor Trixie had the jar. Tears broke out of her eyes while her heart was filled with all the sadness in Equestria. Applejack looked at her friend with distress, while Pinkie Pie and her smile wore off upon seeing her friend cry. Trixie remained unfazed and neutral toward Twilight's emotional breakdown while still tied like ready for roasting. For once in this entire cookie jar fiasco, the mood turned from light to heavy in a blink of an eye. Inside Twilight's wild imagination, the different ways to punish her ran amok from wall to wall. Will she be banished to the Everfree forest and locked up in a dungeon? Will she cease to be Princess Celestia's most faithful student? Will she be forced to work at the least pleasant place in the kingdom? Whatever the princess sees fit as just punishment, all of them won't be pretty.

"Come on, Twilight," Pinkie Pie tried to encourage her. "Don't cry. We'll find it."

But the attempt proved futile when Twilight replied: "No, I'm doomed. DOOMED."

"You're not doomed," Pinkie Pie tried to start a joke. "You're Twilight."

"Pinkie Pie," Applejack cut in. "I reckon now's not the time to be stirrin' up a joke."

Pinkie refuted. "But Applejack—"

"Not now, Pinkie Pie," Applejack stood her ground. "Not even a party could put a smile on her."

At that point, the pink pony felt helpless even with a thousand ways to turn a frown upside down. Applejack was just as helpless, taking off her hat and putting it close to her chest. Trixie spun her eyes in sarcasm, having to listen to a drama queen because she was tied up at the moment. Hundreds of feet above them, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy caught sight of a sobbing Twilight and immediately hurried to her aid. They touched down next to their troubled friend, somewhat sad but confused.

"Uhh, what the hay just happened here?" asked Rainbow Dash.

Applejack explained the situation as brief as possible. "Well, Twilight kinda blew it with—" But her words were cut short when she noticed that the greatest flyer in all of Equestria was wearing a bunny suit. "Uhh, what's with the getup, RD?"

"Ugh, it was Fluttershy's idea!" cried Rainbow Dash.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Fluttershy said softly. "I had Rarity make the costume."

"Not why we're here, Fluttershy," said Rainbow Dash, returning to the matter that really matters. "So what's wrong with Twilight?"

Before any pony could answer, Pinkie Pie quickly took the opportunity by saying a lot of words faster than what magic can take down. "Rainbow Dash, you gotta help Twilight. She lost the jar and went to look for me and Trixie but neither of us has the jar. Now she's crying because she's afraid of what Princess Celestia might do to her. She might banish Twilight to the Everfree Forest. She might throw Twilight in a dungeon. She might throw Twilight in a dungeon in the place she's banished to. We'll lose a good friend if we don't do something, and I don't want that to happen. You gotta help her, Dashie, or our friendship will never be the same again. Just like baked bads, except no more wheat worms. We gotta help her before I go crazy—"

Having heard enough, Rainbow Dash plugged Pinkie's chatty mouth with a carrot, stopping the erratic outflow of words. "Twilight lost the jar? That was pretty careless."

"That ain't very nice now, Rainbow," said Applejack. "Twilight's cryin' a ford here."

"What can I say?"

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie munched on the carrot stuffed in her mouth like a crusher turning solid wood into sawdust. The carrot shrank until the last of the vegetable entered her mouth. After sending it down her throat, she came to appreciate the taste of carrots. "Mmm, carrots!" she said before gasping at the fact that she just enjoyed eating vegetables. "This fanfic is making me eat vegetables!"

Despite the comic relief, Twilight was still, as Applejack said, "crying a ford." Rainbow Dash walked up to her with a confident smile on her face, seemingly positive that everything will turn out all right. "Oh, save the waterworks, Twilight," said Rainbow Dash. "You're a mess."

"Rainbow!" Applejack cried sternly, approaching the young flyer. "You're not helping."

"No, she's right," Twilight admitted openly. "I'm not just a mess. I'm a disgrace."

Rainbow Dash reached out for her bag, drawing out a flashy cookie jar and putting it in front of her distressed friend. The other ponies were totally stoked at what Rainbow Dash had drawn out of her bag. Twilight opened her eyes to the bright flash of the gems that decorated the outside of the jar. The sadness of her heart quickly dissipated upon seeing the cookie jar she was supposed to watch over.

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight replied in awe, wiping her tears. "But how…"

"So that pile of rubble _did _come from you after all," Rainbow Dash said.

"What?"

"You should really be careful when you throw out things. Glad I found that jar in the rubble."

The once distressed Twilight jumped all of a sudden and hugged the cookie jar so tight that she refused to let go of it for a second. The smile on her face was undeniably authentic for the rest of her friends who were also smiling (except for tied-up Trixie). "Oh Rainbow Dash, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Twilight cried in glee. "I thought I'd lost this jar forever."

"You owe me a cupcake, Twilight," said Rainbow Dash jokingly.

"Oh Rainbow Dash, I'll give you more than just a cupcake!"

"Really? As long as it's twenty percent cooler."

All's well that ends well. Twilight couldn't stop smiling after realizing that she came close to facing divine punishment in inconceivable ways. She was so filled with excitement that her hoof knocked the lid off the jar by accident—an act the ponies held in disbelief all of a sudden. The lid fell to the ground while the ponies suddenly felt shivers down their spines.

"T-Twilight…" said Applejack, shivering from hat to hoof. "You…you opened it…"

"Uh…is that a bad thing?" Twilight replied casually.

"Bad?" said Applejack, surprised. "Bad? I wouldn't even touch the darn thing."

"What could be bad about accidentally opening a cookie jar?"

Suddenly, her mind sparked, accessing a memory from a few hours ago. It was from the first time she received the cookie jar from the royal guards. The exact words echoed in her head for a while—long enough to realize her undoing. _"Remember! Do not open at all costs!" _If it was worth echoing inside her head, it was worth echoing again. _"Remember! Do not open at all costs!" _Twilight quickly turned from happy to terrified, looking at the open jar. But it was too dark to see anything, yet she was certain that something was inside, given the extra weight of the jar. Too bad that didn't really matter to her right now.

Spike came to her running with the copy of _The Cosmic Cookie Jar Rumor Compendium of Bite-Sized Proportions. _Given his heavy panting after running, he may have been looking for Twilight all over Ponyville for a while. There was no time for exchanging pleasantries as Spike blurted out an important thing Twilight must know. "Twilight, whatever you do, don't open—" He stopped when he saw the lidless cookie jar Twilight was holding and realized he was too late. "…the jar."

"What in tarnation's going on, Spike?" Applejack asked, distressed.

"It says here in the book," Spike replied, flipping the pages to the desired page. "Opening the cookie jar alone has serious consequences."

"H-How serious?"

Then, a thunderous roar echoed in the skies above Ponyville. Every pony looked up to the sky, only to see a massive squadron of the princess's royal guards descending to the town. Their numbers blocked out the sun for a short while as the ponies looked at them with fear and trepidation. Many of the ponies either hid inside their homes or took cover nearby as the royal guards touched down gently on the ground where Twilight sat. She, Spike and Trixie were surrounded by Princess Celestia's finest warriors, staring at the trio with dead serious faces. Everything happened all too sudden that there was no time to ask how the guards were tipped that something like this would happen.

All Twilight knows is that she will be in for a severe penalty.

"We're about to find out," said Spike, answering Applejack's last question.

One of the guards approached her, presumably the leader of the squadron given the fact that he wore more armor than the rest. Not to mention he was a bigger and stronger-looking Pegasus with a golden shield cutie mark on his flank. "Miss Twilight Sparkle," he said with a rough voice. "By opening Her Majesty's cookie jar, you have violated Her Majesty's specific instructions. Under the authority as the Captain Commander of the Equestrian Royal Guards Cavalry, you are placed under arrest."

The lead stallion's statement sparked many replies from Twilight's friends—all saying the same thing with different dictions. "WHAT?"

Rainbow Dash flew above the encirclement and cut in between Twilight and the lead stallion. "Wait, she didn't do anything wrong," she took her friend's side. "She knocked off the lid by accident."

"Her Majesty's word is absolute," the royal guards' commander replied sternly. "Discipline must be enforced to maintain peace and harmony across Equestria. Even if it doesn't look pretty."

"Since when did knocking off a lid become illegal?"

The commander looked at the stubborn, young flyer with a pair of eyes stricter incomparable with the stare master Fluttershy. "Move aside, son. Or I will have you arrested too."

"Make me!" Rainbow Dash yelled back, even though she was coming close to being arrested.

"Rainbow Dash," said Twilight sheepishly. "Stop it."

"Twilight?" replied Rainbow Dash in shock. "What are you saying?"

"Princess Celestia's word is absolute," Twilight said. "I deserve this penalty."

"But Twilight, you didn't do anything wrong!"

A moment of silence enveloped the scene before Twilight's reply. "I did. I failed to follow her instructions," then she turned to Pinkie Pie who was just as sad as the rest of her friends. "Even worse, I broke a Pinkie promise. I'm sorry."

"Twilight," Pinkie Pie said, not feeling angry for breaking a Pinkie promise. The stark realization that one of her best friends would be taken away overwhelmed that feeling. "It's okay. You're forgiven."

"Twilight," Rainbow Dash continued to protest. "You can't just give up like that."

"I've made my decision," Twilight replied as tears rolled down her face. "I'm gonna miss you, girls. Everyone. Ponyville."

At that point, Rainbow Dash broke away from Twilight, feeling like a total failure. From the circle, four royal guards approached Twilight carrying a cast iron shackle for each hoof. The guards put on the shackles on all four of her hooves. She felt the sheer weight of the shackles pulling her down, making a hoof print a few inches deep. "Don't even try using your magic on these things," said the commander. "They're made to withstand magic."

"I won't, sir," said Twilight helplessly.

The four guards led Twilight to a waiting carriage just outside the encirclement, driven by four more royal guards. She had to carry heavy shackles on her hooves all the way to the waiting wagon, which was anything but easy. The rest of her friends looked helplessly as the guards led Twilight to the carriage. They still felt it was unfair; but they wouldn't risk a faceoff with Princess Celestia's finest.

"Any pony, do somethin'," said Applejack desperately.

"I…I don't think that's such a good idea," replied Fluttershy sheepishly.

The guards helped Twilight climb on board the carriage by using their heads to lift her up. Despite the weight of the shackles, they managed to get her on board and close the door shut. "You know where to take her," muttered the commander as the drivers of the carriage simply nodded their heads. Twilight looked out the only window in the carriage while the carriage slowly rose up. The sight of her friends, as well as Ponyville, shrank as the wagon gained altitude. She didn't utter a word when she left. But she left a teardrop that fell on the ground.

Eventually, the royal guards including their commander took to the skies, flying to the direction of Canterlot. The commander had seized the cookie jar, making sure that no pony gets a hold of it.

And just like that, Twilight Sparkle was gone.

And just like that, Trixie still had the nerve to derail the subject, struggling to break free of the rope. "A little help, please?"


	6. Cookie Dough

Chapter VI: Cookie Dough

Applejack got to work first thing in the morning, bucking every apple tree around the area. The strength of her two bucking legs shook the apple trees into releasing its fruit to the empty baskets below. She felt rather energetic today, covering a relatively large portion of the farm in the first thirty minutes of her applebucking. She even cried "Yee-haw!" in a jolly fashion upon realizing that she just set a new personal record for the most number of apples bucked in the shortest time. When she looked at the distant sky beyond the mountains, her smile suddenly turned upside down, as if she remembered something.

Rainbow Dash flew from cloud to cloud during her morning weather patrol. She was fond of swimming in the fluffy clouds, feeling as energetic as Applejack. The feeling of the wind blowing against her face made her feel like a pony fresh out of the spa. As soon as she made a few last passes over Ponyville, she had some time left to take a nap in the clouds. But for some reason, she twisted and turned on the cloud of her choice. She couldn't go back to sleep, even if she had just woken up, and stared at the distance instead. Like Applejack, she, too, frowned.

"Thank you, come again!" Pinkie Pie greeted her customers for buying a box of cupcakes at Sugarcube Corner. She hopped her way inside the kitchen in her usual cheery mood. A few seconds later, she came out of the kitchen carrying a tray of freshly-baked muffins to be put up for sale. In a spark of coincidence, Derpy happened to be the next customer, standing in front of the counter. "Oh, hello Derpy!" Pinkie Pie greeted cheerily. 'What'll you have?"

"Good morning, Pinkie Pie," replied Derpy while rolling her eyes. "Can I have a muffin?"

"Of course you can," Pinkie lowered her head, grabbing a muffin from the tray with a pair of tongs. She put the muffin in a paper bag and handed it over to Derpy. "That'll be one bit."

Derpy humbly tossed a shiny coin, luckily landing on the cash tray. "Thanks, Pinkie. See you around," she said, taking her leave. Knowing Derpy, she didn't leave Sugarcube Corner without hitting the wall twice before exiting. Pinkie Pie smiled at the muffin-hungry pony until the latter was gone. That was when she looked to the sky, just like Applejack and Rainbow Dash earlier, and frowned.

Near the Everfree Forest, Fluttershy tended to her animals by giving them their morning meals. With a bit of assertiveness, she managed to force Angel to eat what was served to the picky eater: a bowl of greens. Fluttershy took a deep breath, enjoying the morning breeze and breakfast with the animals outside her cottage. But, similar to her friends earlier, she felt sad when she looked at the sky.

Rarity faced the drawing board and sketched her ideas on paper, using magic to control the pencil. She smiled and marveled at her new designs, excited to put them in art form with a fresh supply of textiles. Today is a special day for her, since she is expecting an interview from a popular fashion magazine this morning. She has to look her best before the press arrives to document her art of the dress. But when she was halfway done with another design, the pencil lost its magic aura and dropped. She looked out the window, also staring at the distant sky, and felt sad just like the other ponies.

Somewhere in Ponyville, Trixie was brushing her mane, looking in front of the mirror. As always, she continues to admire herself in all her awesome glory and power, although nearly all ponies beg to differ. With her magic, the brush made gentle strokes on her mane. When she looked at the sky out of an unexplainable urge, she kept her usual, skeptical face. Unlike the other ponies, she didn't feel any sadness or remorse for something. She shrugged and continued to fix her mane.

All seems normal in Ponyville—if you call three days after Twilight Sparkle was placed under arrest for disobeying a royal order "normal." Whenever they look up to the sky, they couldn't wish for more than to have Twilight's name cleared (except for Trixie). The ponies spent two sleepless nights trying not to think about it, hoping that Princess Celestia would find in her heart to forgive. But they were unsure about when the princess would return. They were caught between behaving like law-abiding ponies and breaking the rules for the sake of friendship. It didn't take them long to realize that they were all thinking of the same thing.

"Here ya go, Fluttershy," greeted Applejack, carrying two baskets of apples. "Two baskets of apples, fresh from the orchard."

"Oh, thank you Applejack," said Fluttershy. "I can make enough apple fritters with these."

"You gonna make apple fritters, sugarcube?" asked Applejack.

"Oh yes, I've always wanted to make one."

"I didn't know you were into anything apples, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy giggled and said: "Only until now."

After a short while, Applejack finally took her leave. "Well, I gotta go. The apples aren't gonna buck themselves, you know." She turned around and calmly walked away from Fluttershy's doorstep. As the shy pony saw Applejack leave, Fluttershy noticed her friend's steps growing more subtle until the latter stopped. After a few seconds of silence, Applejack turned back to Fluttershy while wearing a distressed expression. "Aren't you bothered?" she said.

"Bothered?" asked Fluttershy in reply.

"About Twilight?"

Of course, any friend of Twilight would be really worried; but it would take some pony to remind them that their friend is off to a horrible fate. "Of course, I'm worried," said Fluttershy sheepishly. "But what can I do? What can _we _do?"

Out of frustration, Applejack kicked a pebble and sent it flying closer to Canterlot. "What a bunch of hooey! I wish there was somethin' we can do."

"Twilight didn't do anything wrong. She really didn't."

"If it were that easy, Fluttershy," said Applejack, followed by a sigh of dismay.

During their conversation, Derpy's arrival as the morning mailmare reset the look on the two ponies' faces. The mailmare landed in front of Fluttershy's mailbox, carefully inserting a pink envelope before flying away. Fluttershy and Applejack watched Derpy fly away to deliver the rest of her mail load throughout Ponyville. Fluttershy walked up to her mailbox and opened it, taking the single letter out.

Swiftly, she opened the envelope with her hooves (don't ask me how, she just did)—and much to Fluttershy and Applejack's surprise, Pinkie Pie's head shot out of the envelope (also don't ask me how). The envelope fell off from her hooves and touched the ground.

"Hey, Fluttershy!" greeted Pinkie Pie, continuing to defy physics and logic.

"Whoa!" Applejack yelled. "Pinkie Pie? How the hay?"

"I know it's short notice but can you come over to Sugarcube Corner right now?" Pinkie told her two friends who were still in shock about the cheery pony fitting in an envelope.

"What for?" asked Applejack.

"I want to show you something," Pinkie said out of excitement. "Come on!"

Applejack and Fluttershy stared at each other, wondering what it could be. Eventually, Applejack agrees. "I guess the apples can wait. Let's go see this thingamajig of yours."

The two ponies hurried to Ponyville, unaware that they left Pinkie, who watched her friends leave, behind. Instead of struggling to break free or cry for help, in a comical effect, she drew out her pair of front hooves and stood up on them. Although too slow to catch up with the galloping pair, she was, at least, well on her way to her place.

When Fluttershy and Applejack arrived in front of Sugarcube Corner minutes later, they realized they weren't the only ones called on short notice. Rainbow Dash and Rarity were also waiting in front of the store, curious but rather bored. Shortly after they met up, Pinkie Pie's arrival completed the party, with the rest of her body still jam-packed inside the envelope.

"Don't mind me," said Pinkie. "I'm just being me."

"So," said Rarity. "What is this you want to show us so badly?"

"Ooh, ooh! You'll love it. Just wait here."

Having said, Pinkie dashed out of the envelope cleanly and disappeared in a quick zip line. The rest of the ponies looked at each other, realizing it was any pony's guess as to what the random Pinkie had in store for them. They counted at least a few seconds before they spotted Pinkie pushing something big toward them: a huge field gun with a long barrel, painted pink and moving on six wheels. Applejack and the other ponies didn't know how to react.

"What in tarnation is that?" said Applejack, extremely bewildered.

"Do you like it?" Pinkie replied cheerfully. "It's my new Party Cannon. Packs enough juice to decorate _all _of Equestria with party favors."

Rainbow Dash flew up and looked at the barrel from the muzzle. "Why would you need a big gun, Pinkie Pie? You're _so _random."

"I second that," said Rarity. "Where did you even get it anyway?"

"Oh," Pinkie Pie answered. "I got it from the guys over there."

She pointed her hoof at an open door where black-and-white footages of World War II were playing inside, filling the entire doorway. Tank hulls burned in the middle of a kill zone, soldiers charged recklessly toward enemy lines, and a group of field guns bombed a fortified area to kingdom come. In fear, Rarity quickly closed the door, locked it, and used her magic to make it magically disappear. Much to her relief, no other pony saw the door that could've broken the line between fantasy and reality.

"Pinkie Pie!" yelled Rarity. "You know too well not to open the door to the real world."

"What's wrong?" Pinkie replied casually. "I only asked for a bigger gun."

Rarity let out a sigh and said: "You're just impossible, Pinkie Pie. Just…impossible."

To demonstrate how much oomph Pinkie's new Party Cannon can dish out, she opened the hatch behind the barrel and shoved a huge shell inside the chamber. It was hard work but her excitement to try something new didn't faze out. "Let's see what this baby can do," she said.

"Pinkie Pie?" Rarity cried in shock. "You're not planning to try that monstrosity on Ponyville, are you? Who knows what might happen?"

"Aww, keep your horseshoes on, Rarity," replied Pinkie calmly. "I'm sure it's safe."

"Horseshoes? How horrid."

Pinkie Pie resumed with the testing sequence, closing the chamber and cranking the wheel to adjust the angle of the barrel. When everything was set, she paused a while to catch her breath, and smiled as she pulled the lever. The barrel recoiled as it shot the heavy shell high up in the clouds, the ponies from the ground watching. As soon as it was high enough, the shell burst into a thick cloud of streamers, confetti, and other party favors raining down on Ponyville. The houses were littered with colorful confetti and streamers. Plates of cakes and cookies scored points for a perfect landing on the tables outside. Every pony in town had party hats land on their heads. It was no time for a party, but Pinkie was happy that her new Party Cannon, a modified M1 Long Tom painted in her colors, worked like a charm.

"It works! It works!" Pinkie said, full of cheer. "I'll never leave home without it."

"You dragged a big gun from the real world just for this?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Hey, I drag stuff from other worlds," said Pinkie Pie, admitting her formidable ability to breach fourth walls. "Easy as pie."

"You do what now?" Applejack replied, confused.

But not even the new Party Cannon was enough to divert a certain pony's attention from what mattered more. Much to her chagrin, Fluttershy had to bring the issue up in a soft but depressed tone. "It's not the same without Twilight. Nothing's the same without Twilight."

The rest of the gang suddenly frowned upon hearing Fluttershy's reply. The truth still hurt and there was nothing they could do to change it. It even made Rainbow Dash very frustrated. "Argh!" she said. "We should be rescuing Twilight right now! Not watching paint dry!"

"But even if we want to rescue Twilight," said Rarity. "We don't know where the guards took her. She could be out of Equestria for all we know."

"We'll search Equestria if we have to!" argued Rainbow Dash indignantly.

"Gettin' all gung ho won't bring Twilight back, R.D.," said Applejack. "I reckon y'all just be askin' for some whippin'."

"I don't see you _or _your legs thinking of an idea," said Rainbow Dash angrily.

"My legs are for buckin', not for breakin' the law," replied Applejack.

"Oh gee, whatever happened to Miss Element of Honesty?"

"I'm tellin' the _honest _truth, Rainbow. Now quit it!"

"That's enough, you two," said Rarity, breaking the two feuding ponies up before they could give each other their hooves. "It will only make us look miserable. What would Twilight say?"

No pony had the slightest clue but they were sure that she would beg to be rescued. Imagine Twilight, drained of her energy, working for hours in a horrendous factory at an undisclosed location—all for the crime of tipping the lid by accident. They could wait for Twilight to finish her sentence; but every pony knew the rumors. The ponies who had served their time inside the factory were never the same again as soon as they returned.

"Darn it!" said Rainbow Dash. "If we only knew where that cookie factory is!"

Suddenly, a familiar voice replied not far from the ponies: "I know where it is." It was Cranky Doodle Donkey facing the gang with a serious face.

"Cranky?" said Pinkie Pie. "You know about the rumors?"

"Know them? I've been in them, kid," said Cranky confidently.

Out of her agitation to know more, Rainbow Dash quickly went in front of the donkey's face, nose to nose. "Where is it? How do you know it? Are you a spy?"

"Rainbow Dash!" yelled Rarity, pointing out her friend's rudeness. "Must you always deduce the whistleblowers as spies?"

"I can't help it," said Rainbow Dash. "He knows what we don't."

"And I'll tell you everything I know," assured Cranky, staring at Rainbow Dash with stern eyes. "If you'll keep your temper in check."

Cranky was one of the last the ponies would consider asking about Twilight's whereabouts. Given the fact that he had been traveling all over Equestria prior to settling in Ponyville, the ponies decided to take his word and listen. They had a 50:50 chance of zeroing in on the place where their friend was being held—but it was all they had.

The old donkey cleared his throat and started telling everything he knew.

"It was way before I came to Ponyville," he said. "I came across what appears to be a factory at the base of Passerby Peak. It was an awful place."

"Passerby Peak?" Applejack said. "Now where in blazes is that place?"

"A three-day walk north," said Cranky. "You sure you ponies still want to go there?"

"You bet we do," replied the applebucker. "What're we up against?"

"The place is a fortress. Guards every step of the way. You have to fly to get close."

The things Cranky told the ponies didn't make Applejack feel any better, conveying her sarcasm. "Well that's just dandy. How're we gonna walk past them?"

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie looked at her new Party Cannon, shifted her gaze to the troubled ponies, looked at her new Party Cannon again, and returned to her friends. It took her that long for her head to spark a crazy idea. "Hey," she said. "Why walk when we can _fly_?"

As Pinkie Pie looked at her new Party Cannon again, the ponies realized that her plan was so crazy that it might just work.

A/N: Sorry for the sloppy chapter. I got too distracted with some things.


	7. Assorted Cookies

Chapter VII: Assorted Cookies

Pinkie Pie's huge Party Cannon stood in front of Sugarcube Corner, towering the bakery as high as her room. Its long barrel seemed enough to hurl any shell at a considerable distance. Unlike its parent, this gun had its barrel slightly modified to the point that a normal pony can fit inside. Perhaps Pinkie Pie packs a lot of party favors that it has to be packed inside a bigger shell. Aside from its pink color from chassis to muzzle, a simple instruction panel was engraved at the bottom of the barrel. Step one: load shell, step two: adjust bearings, and step three: fire. With any luck, it was simple enough even for an untrained pony to use it.

Voices echoed inside the Party Cannon's large barrel. Inside the dark and cramped space of the smoothbore barrel, Pinkie Pie and her friends endured the cramped conditions, being stacked one on top of the other. She didn't mind being crammed inside the cannon; but her friends weren't sharing the same sentiment as they complained about stepping into each other's body parts.

"Rainbow Dash, you're messing up my mane," said Rarity. "Get your hooves away from me."

"I can't help it," replied Rainbow Dash. "Applejack's pushing me down."

"Now wait just a nitpickin' minute," argued Applejack. "Are you tellin' me I'm heavy?"

"Unless all those apples three times a day went to your flank," said Rainbow Dash in sarcasm.

"You're lookin' for some serious buckin', R.D.," threatened Applejack.

"Both of you, stop fighting this instant!" Rarity yelled. "This barrel's not going to hold two rowdy ponies complaining about claustrophobia."

"Claustro-what now?" said a confused Applejack.

Fluttershy's sentiment was masked by the louder complaints coming from the rest of her friends (except for Pinkie Pie). "Oh please stop fighting, girls. I can't breathe. Pretty please?"

The ponies inside the barrel literally summed up their rescue plan for Twilight: shoot their way to the far edges of Equestria and, with any luck, land safely on top of the horrendous factory. To the ponies, even to Pinkie who first proposed it, it was a crazy plan. But it was their only shot at rescuing Twilight and clearing her name. Every plan, no matter how insane it is from any point of view, is worth trying. The only catch to this plan is that they only have one shot to pull this off.

Cartoon characters either end up being flown to great distances or come out of the barrel charred and injured in every part of their body.

"Why can't we, you know, just WALK?" asked Rainbow Dash rudely.

"Because we don't have days to make the journey on hoof," answered Applejack.

"We don't even know what this thingamajig will do to five crammed ponies."

"We won't know 'til we try."

Outside, Cranky manned the controls to the Party Cannon, still having reservations about Pinkie's crazy plan. The sound of complaints coming out of the barrel even made him more uneasy. He shifted his gaze between the solid hull of the barrel and the lever to fire a salvo. He knocked on the barrel just to get the ponies' attention.

"Hey!" he said. "Are we gonna fire this thing or what?"

"Ooh, ooh! What! What!" Pinkie replied, treating the question literally. "I wanna know what's gonna happen with what."

"Wait, what?" said Rainbow Dash in confusion.

"Are you sure you still want to do this?" Cranky asked.

"Please, Cranky," said Pinkie. "There's no other way."

"Normally, I would be against this insanity," said Rarity. "But if it's insane enough to fetch our Twilight, then it's good enough for me."

Cranky rested his case as he prepared to pull the trigger. "Good luck out there, kids," he said.

Inside the barrel, Rarity heard some rustling near the bottom of the barrel. Seeing that Pinkie Pie was at the bottom of the stack of ponies, she decided to ask anyway. "Pinkie Pie, what's that rustling?"

"Oh, this?" replied Pinkie. "It's gonna help us fly."

"Wings?" the refined mare answered bluntly. "They're wings, right?"

"Nope," Pinkie replied also bluntly.

"Pixie dust? It has to be pixie dust."

"Nah ah. Try again."

"Flying tonic?"

"Not even close."

"Dragon scales?" (Back at the library, Spike, still in bed, suddenly got the shivers.)

"Nein, fraulein."

"Pegasus feathers?" (Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy got the shivers at the same time.)

"Nyet, comrade."

"Muffins?" (Somewhere in Ponyville, Derpy froze and fell down like a goat.)

"Non, mademoiselle."

Finally, Rarity decided to throw in the towel. "I give up."

"Nope," Pinkie Pie said. "What kind of an answer is that, Rarity?"

"I said I give up," Rarity repeated herself. "So what's back there?"

The cheery pony giggled and, in a casual tone, said: "It's gunpowder." Her friends said "Oh" in unison, realizing the bag at the very bottom of the barrel. What could five ponies and a ton of high-grade gunpowder do aside from launching them into the air?

That's what they were suddenly afraid of as they broke into shock. "GUNPOWDER?"

Outside, Cranky pulled the trigger. The Party Cannon made an earsplitting blast that boomed across Ponyville and the nearby areas. A jet of flame shot out of the muzzle followed by a stream of five small silhouettes being hurled thousands of feet into the air. From the ground, Cranky watched the brave mares fly north, giving them a quick salute with one hoof. He had never met such courageous pony folk in his entire life—not to mention the craziest.

"Pinkie Pie, why did you have gunpowder inside the cannon?" said Rainbow Dash.

"Well _duh!_" replied Pinkie Pie. "Party favors don't fire themselves."

"Oh, I look horrid," said Rarity, brushing her charred mane. "Simply horrid. Why oh why does it need gunpowder to lob shells?"

"Forget about that, Rarity," said Applejack. "We've got other problems to work on."

Fluttershy turned around and saw Ponyville shrink until it hid behind the mountains. As her group flew north, she quickly realized that there was no turning back now.

Elsewhere, the sound of a heavy steel door opening shed light on a dark, cold cellar. Inside that cellar was Twilight Sparkle with a messy mane and a miserable look on her face, blinded by the bright light from the outside. A unicorn royal guard approached Twilight and forced his hoof against her face gently. "Wake up," he said in a harsh tone. "It's your turn."

Twilight stood up without hesitation but not without her legs giving way for a split second. All four of her legs were filled with scars and bruises, as if she was brutally battered the moment she arrived at wherever she was right now. She got back up quickly after stumbling but her legs remained weak and wobbly. The royal guard attending to her seemed to have no regard for anyone locked up in solitary confinement for three days. He only watched as Twilight made filly steps out of her cellar, not offering any help in walking.

Whatever happened during those three days obviously wasn't pretty, given Twilight's messed up look. Aside from her battered legs and messy mane, her face looked as if she was drained of her spirit. She struggled to get to the end of the long hallway while the royal guard trailed behind her. She walked past more of the dark cellars, each with a distinct howl that filled the hallway. Some of the lights above the hallway flickered frequently, on the verge of dying out. A heavy air filled the entire facility, making it too hard to breathe normally. Twilight never felt such sadness in a place within the kingdom that she thought a safe haven for all ponies.

There was a lot of noise coming from the door at the end of the hallway. It sounded like a bunch of heavy machinery working at the same time. As the two stopped in front of the door, Twilight turned to the guard in hopes of him being a gentlecolt. However, the smirk on his face totally said it wasn't going to happen. As the royal guard continued to keep an eye on his prisoner, Twilight pushed the door open with all her might.

Beyond the door was the most dismal sight any pony has ever laid eyes on in all of Equestria. A long conveyer belt ran across the vast work area, carrying one chocolate chip cookie after another. A hoofful of ponies manned the baking station at the starting end, making the cookie dough while feeling as down as Twilight. On another section of the assembly line, another group of ponies looked at the cookies running along the conveyer belt for quality control. They were at their limit and on the verge of collapse. On a corner not far from the door were two ponies who looked as if they were sucked dry, acting like zombies asking for food and water. Yet, the royal guard shoved Twilight, telling her to keep moving. How could Princess Celestia permit the existence of such a dismal place for ponies? Twilight, on the other hand, was too weak to even wear a face of skepticism.

She manned her spot at the baking station where the rest of the ponies could barely hold their rolling pins right. She took a slab of cookie dough from the wide table and started cutting up some nice cookies with it. It's hard to believe that this is where Princess Celestia's cookies come from. If the truth were to be known, any pony could forget even taking a bite out of pastries made by battered hooves.

"Psst!" hissed the pony in front of Twilight. "Hey, let's race. Pony with the most number of cookies made wins free lunch."

"Don't rush the process," replied Twilight bluntly. "The cookies have to be perfect."

"You're no fun, girl. You should get out more often."

"I do. I always do. At least before coming here."

"I can't wait to get out of this place. Who's up for a prison break?"

"Shh!" hissed Twilight. "The guards will hear you."

"Okay, okay, sheesh."

At one point, Twilight instantly turned her head to the pony next to her who collapsed. She had been working for so long that she couldn't feel her hooves. A guard happened to be passing by and caught sight of the tired pony. But instead of bringing it to the infirmary, he shoved his hooves against the poor thing and said: "Get up! Your shift isn't over yet."

Twilight dropped her rolling pin and quickly helped her fellow pony up. "That's enough! Can't you see she's too tired already?"

"It's none of your concern," said the royal guard, forcefully pushing Twilight away. "Now get!"

The exhausted pony forced herself up to get back to work. The others didn't seem to mind, as if it was already routinely. Twilight, fearing graver consequences, also got back to work but not without the smug on her face.

Welcome to the saddest place in all of Equestria.


End file.
